The part of motherhood that I really really really hate is worrying. I see these two gorgeous little human beings that completely rely on me. The decisions I make will shape and influence their lives. Sometime that feeling is completely overwhelming.
When they were born I worried about holding them correctly. Am I supporting their head right? Will I hurt them when I pull their little arm to put it in a baby grow? Then it was breast feeding. Are they getting enough milk? Am I eating the right things to pass on enough good stuff to them?
The next worries were development milestones. This worry is so annoying because all children are different. They all develop at their own speed. However, you are given books and leaflets in hospital that give you rough guides as to when to expect them to do certain things. Then you have other people ask you if they’re sitting up, crawling or walking yet. We all do it. We ask those questions and we talk about what our own children are doing, especially if they did something “early”. But as a mum I find it worries me more when my baby hasn’t hit a milestone that everyone is asking me about. We all know children do things in their own time, but when you’re toddler is 14 months and everyday you’re being asked by different people if she is walking yet, it is just an added pressure and exasperates the worrying.
Next, nursery. Where do I send her? Will she fit in? Will she like it? Will she make friends.
Then school. Same as above but also will she be able to stand up for herself? Will she be bullied?
I also think long term. Will my munchkins grow up close? Will they be best friends or will sibling rivalry take over? What problems will arise with puberty? Will they let mummy join them when they go raving down Ministry of Sound?
I find myself thinking and over thinking. I know worrying doesn’t help but I find it hard not to.
As time has passed I am trying to get the right balance with all my worrying. I don’t want to hold my children back or surround them with negativity and anxiety. Yes I’m naturally an over thinker and worrier but I am trying to take these worries and use them to plan and prepare for the future in a positive way.
For example, my oldest is a bit timid. I am worried about her self confidence when she starts school so I have enrolled her into a performing arts school starting in September. To me it solves a few problems in one. It gives her an interest so every week she has something more than nursery to look forward to. It will give her confidence and independence. It will aid in developing her social skills and she may make good friends ( I am also hoping that she will become a highly paid actor/musician/dancer overnight and start earning her keep!).
I know the worrying will never end. Even when they are big grown girls!